


bathroom floor

by shutupnerd



Category: Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Coping, Hajime and Izuru are a System, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, So is op, This is my brand now, Trauma, bathroom floor, did, hajime is goin thru it, mental health, vent - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-03
Updated: 2020-08-03
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:15:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25698679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shutupnerd/pseuds/shutupnerd
Summary: hajime can’t sleep.
Relationships: Hinata Hajime/Komaeda Nagito
Comments: 7
Kudos: 236





	bathroom floor

His eyes will flick closed and open in an uneasy pattern. The clock sits on the table, just far enough away that the light can’t bother Hajime. He closes his eyes—12:11 AM. He opens them—1:35 AM.

Close. 1:47 AM.

Open. 2:58 AM. 

Close. 3:12 AM.

Open. 4:48 AM.

Close. 5:16 AM.

Open. 7:22 AM. 

He gets up for the day. 

Izuru sits close to the front. Hajime can almost see him in his mind’s eye, cross-legged on a chair, propping up his face with a hand, surrounded by cluttered thoughts and memories neither of them want to claim. 

_ You are sleeping badly. _

_ Yeah, no shit.  _ He doesn’t mean to snap, but the exhaustion blurring his vision has taken out any internal filter left. It’s enough of a fight to maintain external appearances, to not push Nagito away when he gives him a kiss good morning. 

But Izuru is unaffected by the harsh words. He’s not affected by anything. Hajime could scream and yell and call him every awful name he could think of and use every mistake in his life against him, and Izuru wouldn’t so much as hesitate before immediately throwing himself into calming Hajime down with his infuriating,  _ annoyingly  _ effective, clinical version of care. 

“Are you ready to go get breakfast? Everyone should be heading over now.” Komaeda is in a good mood. He has been recovering well—everyone has been recovering, but none of them are  _ recovered.  _ Everyone has their own lodestone on their chest, their own monstrosities to deal with. Nobody, really, is  _ okay. _

That thought, combined with the bristling irritation, makes Hajime feel guilty.

“Go on ahead! I’ll meet you there, okay?” The cheeriness in his voice is a filthy fucking lie. But Nagito buys it, smiling as he leaves. 

Hajime locks himself in the bathroom. He’s not going to do anything stupid (he doesn’t think.), he just needs to be alone and the lock buys a little time. If he’s not alone he’ll snap and blow up. Make it harder for everyone else, when they’re all already struggling in their own ways.

But at least they seem to be healing. Hajime is  _ stuck,  _ utterly weighed down by the feeling that he is  _ being watched, always being watched,  _ that there are still drugs in his food (he barely eats. Only Komaeda notices.) and that if someone is absent,  _ their body is waiting to be found.  _

His hands are shaking. He goes to turn the tap, to splash some water on his face. They’re trembling too much for him to even turn the sink on.

_ “SHIT!”  _

He escaped Hope’s Peak. He’s gone. But he still can’t do  _ anything  _ on his own. They broke him to the point of dependency and he’ll never be anything beyond that. He’s absolutely  _ useless _ . Even in the killing game, he wasn’t enough. He would never have been able to solve anything on his own. If he had been more vigilant, not as many of them would have been killed. If he had just  _ done better,  _ they’d all be okay.

It’s his fault. Not even Izuru’s. Just his fault.

Everyone else probably resents him, for not saving them. For sentencing them. He swears he can see the distaste in their eyes when they think he’s not looking. 

They all hate him. They have to hate him.

His breaths pick up as he sinks to the floor, fisting his hands in his hair and tucking his head between his knees.

_ You are spiraling, Hajime.  _

_ Shut the fuck up.  _ He doesn’t even know  _ why  _ he’s being so angry, why kindness makes him want to lash out.

_ I am not leaving you to deal with this alone.  _

His nails are digging into his scalp.

_ If you need me to front— _

  1. _No. I can fucking deal with it._



_ Hajime. It is alright to not be doing well. _

There is concern in his voice. Real, legitimate concern. Clear as day. Some sort of softness that he is  _ sure  _ nobody has seen before. 

Hajime breaks down into tears. 

_ I’m sorry. I’m sorry. _ He’s still angry. Angry and scared and resentful and so,  _ so  _ tired.  _ It’s too much all at once.  _

_ I know it is.  _

If he looks up, maybe a nurse will be standing over him again. If he opens his eyes, maybe his shirt and shorts will be a hospital gown. 

_ Another experiment completed. Come on, Hinata. Let’s get you in bed. _

If he opens his eyes, she’ll pull him up by the underside of his arms, because his legs are still too painful to stand on.

_ Hope’s Peak is gone, Hajime. Enoshima is dead. Neither of them can hurt you anymore. _

That doesn’t stop the crying. If anything, it makes him feel guiltier.

_ They hurt you more. They hurt everyone else more. _

This would be the moment, where if Izuru was in that chair, he would stand straight up. 

_Don’t you_ ** _dare_** _begin to_ _compare pain again._ Hajme is suddenly grateful that Izuru is a voice in his head and not a person standing in front of him, because just one sentence has him shocked into silence, terrified to the core.

_ I am not trying to scare you, Hajime. But to discredit your own strength and the magnitude of what you were put through are ridiculous and fruitless endeavors. _

It has been nearly 15 minutes. Komaeda has begun to walk back to the cabin. 

_ You are undervaluing yourself. Nobody is angry at you for the killing game. They are angry at me, as they should be. You have no place in that. You saved them. You saved me, too. _

_ I could have done better,  _ he protests, angrily wiping at his eyes. (The tears won’t  _ stop,  _ and this only pisses him off more.)  _ I made stupid mistakes and people ended up dead! You never asked for any of this and my stupid decisions led to you being put through absolute fucking hell. _

_ You and I  _ **_both_ ** _ know they would have found someone else. My circumstances have no bearing on this. Why are you trying to trap yourself? _

Hajime can feel a wave of exhaustion rolling over. He lays back on the bathroom rug, staring at the lights over the mirror. They’re too bright, but the switch is out of reach. 

_ I don’t know. I guess if I minimize it, it’s not so bad, right? I can deal with it if there’s less of it. _

_ Not when there isn’t less of it. _

Komaeda has found the locked door. He’s knocking, calling out. “Hajime? Are you alright?”

He’s barely listening. 

_ You’re breaking yourself down further, Hajime. _

_ Go away, Izuru.  _

There’s a spare bathroom key. Komaeda is unlocking the door.

_ I’m not leaving you. _

**_Go away._ ** He wants to be left alone, he wants to be angry, he wants his expectations to be fulfilled and for everyone to leave him so he can be  _ right  _ and he can say  _ I told you so  _ and—

“Hajime?” 

Komaeda’s voice cracks, and all the anger floods out of him. He visibly deflates there on the floor. 

He kneels down, shedding his jacket. Hajime squeezes his eyes shut and looks away. A pale hand slots under his shoulder, another balances on his stomach. He’s pulled up into a hug, and Hajime just lets himself  _ crack open,  _ sobbing into Nagito’s shoulder. 

“Hey, hey. I’m here,” he says encouragingly, holding him close. Izuru has gone silent, and Hajime realizes that he  _ doesn’t  _ want to be left behind, he  _ desperately  _ wants to be forgiven of something that technically isn’t even his fault.

They sit there for a while, just there on the floor, punctuated by his muffled, hiccuping sobs.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“I already talked to Izuru. I told him to fuck off, though,” he mumbled. “I didn’t mean it.”

“I’m sure he knows that.”

He’s not so sure. 

**Author's Note:**

> sorry for only posting vents but ya girl going through it rn  
> -fen <3


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